Then Abram went up from Egypt... And he went on his journey from the South as far as Bethel, to the place where his tent had been at the beginning, between Bethel and Ai, to the place of the altar which he had made there at first. And there Abram called on the name of the Lord. (Gen 13,1-4)

Abram was returning quite possibly the same way he came there. Seen from the outside, he was moving back and forth in a straight line, but he became more and more aware that, from the point of view of his life journey, he was in fact moving just in a circle. He descended into Egypt without God's instruction. The impetus for this was fear that seemed justified to him (and in the end, everyone around, who could, simply went). But his life's journey, which had been previously rising up, came to a standstill. Unlike before, God did not visit him in Egypt, Abram did not know him any more, he did not receive a new revelation - the greatest experience remained the salvation from the desolate situation, in which he found himself, guilt which embarrassed him, so he could not feel true joy. He was not getting any closer to God's goal for his life there, he did not follow the direction of His call. He did not worship God in Egypt as in Canaan and did not build altars for him. The main thing that counted was the preservation of earthly life. It looked only logical, but now it seemed to him that it was desperately little.

His wandering in circle is also evidenced by the account of his return: "he proceeded ... to the place between Bethel and Ai, where his tent was first, to the place where he had previously built the altar; there Abram called on the name of the Lord." His steps now lead back to the old places. He's doing what he used to do.

Abram was expelled from Egypt, so he did not leave at the time of his choice. The famine in Canaan had not yet passed. As always, acting on one's own does not solve the problem. So Abram finds himself in the same situation again and has to face it again - but he already knows that it must be done in a different way. Maybe that's why his first interest now is to worship God. It was as if he had put this above all things, as if in these moments a new belief was being born in his heart that his God would help him to overcome every difficulty. That is why he rises above the problems, he wants to look up and see God again.

Like anyone who is aware of his failure, Abram is now trying to tie the thread where it was broken. He took a new breath of fresh air and wondered how he could be blind to the fact that, despite all the prosperity in Egypt, he was there just suffocating.

So Pharaoh commanded his men concerning him; and they sent him away, with his wife and all that he had. (Gen 12,20)

How proudly Abram's caravan swaggered towards the capital as it entered Egypt! People stopped and paid attention to their wagons, cattle, number of people, all cargo - and they knew that Abram did not come to them as a beggar, but rather as an important guest. He needs their country as a refuge now, but he is bringing his wealth, he will buy in our markets and will need other services. Such guests were always welcome, the door was open for them.

And with what shame Abram was returning back... The news of what happened has spread around - something so peppery had not happened in Egypt for a long time for Pharaoh himself to be humbled by this alien's lie. Abram now noticed that the same people stopped by and looked at him with indignation and contempt. It seemed to him that not only the people, but perhaps also the trees by the road, the animals and the birds, were chirping about his bad reputation: expel him for ever!

The caravan fell silent along the way. They told each other only the most necessary directions for the journey, and the children did not show the usual joy, as if the seriousness of the moment had fallen on them as well. There was a tense silence between Sarah and Abram.

That alone was enough to make Abram deeply depressed, but he was also busy with a strange thing. He did not know his new God until he was seventy. He thought that at this age he already knew what life and religion were all about, because, like everyone else, he had cultivated it all his life. But he found out that he had changed inside since he had accepted his new God. Now he takes the shame he has experienced far more personally than before. Moreover, he has got the impression that he failed not only before Egypt and his surroundings, but that God is very personally interested in his life and actions, as if he were connected in some special way to his conscience. It was different than he had experienced before - with the idols, the rather impersonal observance of the required rituals and several regulations was enough. But now, as a worshiper of the invisible God, he stood before him a bit like an open book, and God seemed very sensitive to the attitudes of Abram's heart.

Moreover, his shame can be disreditting the reputation of this God before the world around. Abram increasingly felt like his ambassador in the world. He couldn't help but be surprised at how much he was bothered by his failure in this sense as well - if the Egyptians rebuked him for his actions, wouldn't the shadow of shame fall also on his God?

He realized clearly that his religion had never touched him so deep inside before, it had never been so personal.

But the Lord plagued Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai, Abram’s wife. And Pharaoh called Abram and said, “What is this you have done to me? Why did you not tell me that she was your wife? Why did you say, ‘She is my sister’? I might have taken her as my wife. Now therefore, here is your wife; take her and go your way." (Gen 12,17-19)

In addition to faith, Abram is also known as a man of prayer, but we do not know if he already knew its secret at this moment. Did God intervene here sovereignly or did he hear Abram's prayers after losing his beloved wife? We can only assume, but we have little indication to understand. Because people of all eras and races have certain traits in common, it is almost certain that this particular crisis has taught him more about God than when he experienced peace and prosperity - that's just the way it is in life. Difficult stages transform us, they bring a change to our habits and values. Abram most likely became a man of prayer through difficult situations like this because they forced him to humble himself (he had to admit that he had gone to Egypt on his own, without God) and to call on God for help. At that time he did not have much experience with answered prayers. And he wasn't even sure if God would be willing to hear him when he had to admit that he had failed somewhere. But he had no choice but to ask for help from above, no one else could help here.

Therefore, even this experience became the cornerstone out of which the building of his faith was built from the very beginning. God suddenly entered the situation and saved Abram. Sarah was even returned to him without having to ask Pharaoh for her. At the same time, it was his first great experience of disobedience, leaving God's way. He still had no idea if this God was willing to have mercy on man´s failures and shortcomings and accept him again. Accept - and not blame?

No, God did not blame.

However, Abram did not come out of the whole situation just so easily. He had to experience bitterly one of the most important spiritual principles: a man reaps what he sows. God did not blame, but others did: Pharaoh, the whole court and the whole city. The public disgrace was so great that it was completely impossible to stay here, Abram was literally expelled. How tragic it is when Egypt rebukes a man of God for immorality that would not be possible even between them...

And how uplifting is the knowledge that when Abram is later mentioned in Scripture or by Jesus himself, it is all about different things than his disgrace in Egypt.

And the woman (Sarah) was taken to Pharaoh’s house. He treated Abram well for her sake. He had sheep, oxen, male donkeys, male and female servants, female donkeys, and camels. (Gen 14,15-16)

When Abram descended into Egypt, he already was a wealthy man. But now Pharaoh himself enriched him with more property and flocks, so that his entire retinue grew abundantly again. It must have counted at least dozens of people. But how can a person — moreover, a man like Abram, who has known the reality beyond this world — be satisfied only through wealth or similar things? Many may have envied Abram at the moment, but he knew he was in a golden cage. He didn't feel well in it, he couldn't sincerely rejoice in what he had gained. Half-truth (he and Sarah had the same father, not their mother - such marriages were allowed in ancient times) helped him to Pharaoh's gifts and now he had to play the well-paid role and not reveal the truth. But his marriage was defiled and he might have lost his wife forever.

He kept fighting: he was troubled by an inner voice that told him he hadn't behaved properly and was guilty of it all. Again, the issue seemed to be the doubt whether it was necessary to go to Egypt at all. But Abram objected to the voice, saying he had no choice. "You did," said the voice. "I didn't!" Abram replied excitedly. "If only you could look at it from another point of view." "No, because there was no other way out!" Abram shouted back. But the voice continued, "What about Sarah, have you ever thought about how she was feeling in that all...?"

Abram saw absolutely no solution in the current situation. He couldn't just come to Pharaoh and take Sarah back. 

But in this dark moment, a wonderful thing happened: his new God entered the scene.

"So it was, when Abram came into Egypt, that the Egyptians saw the woman, that she was very beautiful. The princes of Pharaoh also saw her and commended her to Pharaoh. And the woman was taken to Pharaoh’s house. (Gen 12,14-15)

Abram entered Egypt with an unhappy heart full of worries. Not only had he (already before) lost the certainty that he would always be well in the Promised Land, but he also felt that something was completely wrong from the beginning of his Egyptian adventure. What a difference compared to previous months, when he was accompanied by internal security, confirmed by external success. But now it was gone, and in his heart he now had to fight fear.

It seemed to Abram that he had never been in such a difficult situation in his life that he had to lie about his wife. He decided to do so for sure before entering Egypt, when he had no idea what awaited them there. But his caravan was so impressive that it simply could not hide among others who also descended to Egypt in search of food. He expected it to cause a commotion. Abram apparently already had the dignity of princes, and he did not shy away from the ruling class either - he did not go to the countryside, but to the capital, near the seat of the princes, where he was noticed by Pharaoh's courtiers.

His lie eventually caused Sarah to be taken from him and offered to Pharaoh. Abram was consumed by despair. He didn't understand how he could find himself in such a crazy situation. He would have preferred to cancel the whole expedition and return, but he was trapped: he couldn't leave without Sarah, but he didn't know how to get her back.

Abram tried to call for the help of his new god, but it was not easy because he felt that he had somehow deviated from his journey recently. He realised that fear was not a good counselor, and if it affected someone, he seldom makes the right decision.

And it came to pass, when he was close to entering Egypt, that he said to Sarai his wife, “Indeed I know that you are a woman of beautiful countenance. Therefore it will happen, when the Egyptians see you, that they will say, ‘This is his wife’; and they will kill me, but they will let you live. Please say you are my sister, that it may be well with me for your sake, and that I may live because of you.” (Gen 12,11-13)

Something fundamental had changed on the outside - there was a drought and the country had stopped producing crops. But no matter how external circumstances changed, Abram was surprised to find that his inward feelings were quite different from years ago. He now had a special peace, as if the external crisis has not affected him as much as those around who did not know God. At times, he was even tempted to just let things go and do nothing - after all, his new God brought him here and does not send him away. So is it right to leave? But doing nothing is completely illogical, it is a sheer folly. The pastures are devastated and there is little hope of restoration. Everyone around sees it in the same way and reassures him - now we need to leave, at least for a while.

But he noticed that at the moment he finally decided to leave, his inward peace left him. He couldn't explain it. After all, when he used to decide on something after mature consideration, it always worked exactly the opposite: he had acquired the inner room as soon as the matter was finally "decided". But now...

Once a person leaves the place where God has put him - and unlike with Abram, in the New Testament era it is primarily a spiritual place - he loses his inward strength. The compass is relentlessly accurate. This is the message of Jn 15:4 -  if a person remains in Christ, he has the strength to resist, if he leaves this soil in his heart, he withers inwardly.

It is important to note that Abram experienced a loss of peace not only in Egypt, but still in the Promised Land. He instructs Sarah before he enters Egypt to pretend to be his sister. He was afraid they would kill him because of her. But the same cause for concern - jealousy of a beautiful foreign woman - nevertheless existed all the time among the Canaanites as well! However, as long as Abram remained in God's line, he had inner strength to resist, despite the circumstances. Once he leaves it, he loses this power - and it happens inside him before the feared circumstances occur. In fact, it is independent of them, it is far more a question of what is happening in his heart and relationship with God.

What a wonderful thing is this "Shalom" - the peace of God with which God accompanies us on his journeys! It often manifests itself inside our hearts as if illogically, incomprehensibly, and often in contrast to what is happening around. How good it is to not leave the place where we experience it in fullness and not change it for other place where we lose it.